Minggu, 27 Februari 2011

The Prestige ( short story- I Wayan Adi Wiweka-1012021052)

The Prestige
This is a story about a young boy called Joni.He is a poor boy, his father works as an employee in a steelworks. His name is Anton. Anton also likes to make some paintings for himself or to be sale in the art market or to anyone who interested to buy his paintings.His mother is a seamstress. But Joni, he is lazy. He wants to help his father only once in a blue moon. Although he is poor, he always behaves like a rich boy. He never calls a spade a spade about what he and his life really are. He always tells – to his friends, girlfriend or anyone he talks with- that he has everything. He tells that their family go oversea once in a month, play poker with the president and buy everything seen in market. In fact he is terribly a mad liar.
They live in a good part of the city where everything needed is easy to be find.Their neighbor is a rich family, the boss of Joni’s father lives here. And he has a good relationship with Joni’s father because he is a loyal and a hard worker. Joni always being envy with them.He assumed that his ill-fated started when he was born from his mother ‘s womb. He doesn’t realize that the successful comes from the great attempts.
Joni interested with a girl, her name is Lisa. She is the most beautiful woman at his school. “Girl, if you would be mine, i will take you to the moon. I mean, it is really to the moon. With a rocket and astronaut costume ”. He tells that his house is a big one. “There is a large swimming poor behind the house, I have three cars, one Ferrari and two Gallardo” said Joni. “Really? It will be nice if I visit it” replied Lisa. But in fact, what those he tells is his neighbor’s. Joni tells everything to make Lisa loves him although he need to be lying.
Like what he planned, Lisa loves him, but every time Lisa wants to visit to Joni’s house, he always has a thousand reasons to abort it.” Oh I am really sorry darling tomorrow I must visit my grandma in hospital. She is dying” said Joni. But Lisa chains repeatedly and frightens to leave Joni alone if he doesn’t accept. Joni knows that he had suspected and try to make a good solution for this.
One day, The Boss ask Joni’s father to make a painting on the wall of his living room. He believe with Anton because he had seen Anton’s painting was absolutely beautiful. Anton accepted but it needs one week to finish it. Meanwhile the boss and his family have to go to America two days later. ‘’ Okay, I don’t want the work delayed because I am going to have a guest one week latter. So I give the house key to you, Anton” said the boss. ‘‘it is just a piece of cake boss, thank you for your belief to me” replied Anton. Across the wall where they are talking.Joni heard about that, and he has a good plan for it.
Two days latter, his father has been painting on his boss house, and their family is ready to start out to America. In the night after his father finish to work, he stole the key. He has invited Lisa to visit the house. So he planned to claim that house as him, and shows his fake richness to Lisa.
At 7 pm, Lisa has arrived in front of the house and Joni, has been waiting for her there. He quickly takes Lisa to get in to the house.
.The house is Italian styled. The inside is very large. Beautiful paintings is decorating the wall and the ceiling too is painted. There are many chairs and tables with a very professional touch made by best quality wood. At each corners of the room, there are beautiful statues. the floors, its made by marble but clean. The house is completely describing a paradise.
Lisa is so amazed. “Is it really yours? Ask Lisa. “Yes of course, I never lie, this is my house and not my neighbor house” replied Joni confusedly.”Do you want some drink ?” asked joni. “Yes, an orange juice would be great” lisa answered. “ oh no darling, a beautiful woman like you better to drinks more high-prestige one such as a wine, or something like that”. Lisa smile and aswered “ okay, if you intimidate”. “everything for you darling” said joni.
Joni takes lisa to walk around the house. A few moment later, Lisa stops for a while when she sees a family photo. her eyes seems like searching for something. Then she asks “ I dont know if my eyes wrong or not but joni, why I don’t see you in this photo?”. Joni looks completely at a loss. “ oh , where ? oh I.. I think so , because when they, my family take this photo together, I was in the hospital. I.. I was coma, yes coma.” Said Joni. “ Really ? coma because of what ?” Lisa asked. “ I have a neighbor, and they, I mean he has a gun”, “and he shoot you”. Replied lisa “ no !, I mean yes, he was training to shoot and missed” said joni. “ oh I’m sorry to hear that ”.” no problem, it would not be a feud between us, I am merciful”. So where are they now? Lisa asked. “ they are travelling to america now, my father go there for traveling and meet his business partner. He heard that there is a good business change there, he want to make a hotel. He said that he planned to named the hotel as The Joni Hilton” replied Joni and smiling. “ sound is great” said Lisa “ yes, do you mind if someday I take you traveling there ?” asked Joni. “I heard that the country of America has high criminal level but I want to see the Hollywood, okay” said Lisa cheerfully.
They continue to walk. Now they are near the swimming pool. Suddenly Lisa stop again and asked . “ Joni, do you like a dog ?”. “No darling, I like a cat. I think a dog is too noisy and it likes to urinate everywhere it wants”. Then Lisa seems very scared and said “ so whose dog is that? I thought that is a cat but its form mostly like a Pitbull ”. “What?!” Joni really surprised. The Pitbull is barking so loud to him. It shows its big tusks full of saliva flowing from its mouth. The dog quickly bites Joni’s leg. Joni is bawling so do Lisa, she is shouting scared-fully and try to get help. “ help! Help please” Lisa shouted. But nobody could listen because that house is so big surrounded by a large a big wall. Lisa so panic, she realize that she had fooled by a liar.
Then somebody comes. “ Joni what are you doing ?!” that man asked. “ Father ! father help me. This dog want to kill me ouch !”said Joni pained. “ What ? father ? you said that your father is traveling to America !” Lisa said annoyed. “ That is my father, I lied to you, this is not my house. My house is next to this, this is my neighbor house”. Said Joni. God damn you liar, I hate you,I never love you and I don’t want to see you anymore !. Lisa said venomously and leave away from that place. Joni tried to apologize to her but she absolutely doesn’t care whatever he said. “ you are a bad son” said Joni’s father. His father is so irritable to see what his sons behave like.
It is being a beneficial moral lesson for him- and for anyone- who count on the fake to get their purpose or for anyone who can’t feel thankful for everything they had have.
‘’If you can’t be the fact, don’t be the fake’’ ( adi wiweka)
The End

18 komentar:

  1. A liar have gotten his pain...
    I like your closing word "If you cannot be the fact, do not be the fact"
    It has great meaning and teaches us to be honest for everyone..

    BalasHapus
  2. Very good story. Especially at the ending, very interesting with the message that you gave. good job adi.

    BalasHapus
  3. i like it....i'll show you the point which need to be clarified.... please check the tense that you need to be used .... every kind of story has their own tense...such narrative, the tense is past tense.....greAt joB

    BalasHapus
  4. Your story contains moral value. It's nice to make the reader understand about live. Nice Story.. ^^

    BalasHapus
  5. yeah... I like the moral value that you want to share through your story. It is not good to be a liar...
    anyway, I agree with Yebbie's opinion about the tense...
    that's all...bye

    BalasHapus
  6. your story is interesting dude, you also put some proverbs and idioms there, but i think you better to use past tense for your story..

    BalasHapus
  7. Nice story... but sometimes you still use simple present in your story. Actually, your story has moral value, and it is meaningful... I like the sentence "If you can’t be the fact, don’t be the fake"... Good job... :)

    BalasHapus
  8. nice story...
    you also put some idioms in yourstory, but like ari's comment, i think you must to use past tense..

    BalasHapus
  9. there're so much liar in this world, and won't to say the truth in order to kept what we always say as 'gengsi'. we should thankful of what we have and don't feel ashamed to show the real of you. i like your story, honey. it is meaningful and have a moral value. keep writing and develop your skill. :3

    BalasHapus
  10. i love your story, adi! your story teaches us that we should be thankful to god and we have to love someone honestly without any lying. you wrote yours with idioms and proverbs. nice!

    BalasHapus
  11. The story is very meaningful and reminds us about honest and braveness. But your story also reminds me to Aladin story, I think that is your fave story.. Nice posting! :)

    BalasHapus
  12. nice story....you also put some proverb and idiom.....but you have to pay atention to the tenses......you have to use past tense...overall you did well

    BalasHapus
  13. nice story adi..

    i can't remark..
    just can said your story IS THE BEST...

    BalasHapus
  14. I like the way you tell the moral values in your story. You have used the funny plot. I can’t imagine Joni’s face when Lisa asks everything in the house. And it’s ended by the dog that bites his leg. Your story reminds us that a little lie will make the bigger one. So, it’s better if we try to tell the truth. But, please be careful with the space between the words in your paragraphs. Remember that after the punctuation mark, you should give one space. Overall, I like your story very much, especially the last sentence. Congrats brother! 

    BalasHapus
  15. Wow, that’s a great story and a very great proverb. “If we can’t be a fact, don’t be a fake”. I love the story very much, especially the point. I think the message of your story is successfully delivered to the reader; we should give one a fair shake. You have a good orientation and a perfect closing. Meanwhile I think you have already use a good grammar, when the other friends of us use simple past tense in their story, you use simple present tense. I think it is not wrong as long as you use consistent tenses from the beginning of your story.

    BalasHapus
  16. This value is good enough to give a new lesson for the readers. It is a good story.”

    BalasHapus
  17. don't lie to everyone.... that's a good moral value. short,clear, and teach us.... goo job...

    BalasHapus
  18. very nice :)

    that's a good moral value.

    good job :)

    agunk diiach

    BalasHapus